Walking through the Marais, and I see this wonderful sign, larger-than-life:
(Ad translation: "As my two moms say, family is sacred.")
Later in the same day, at the girls' gymnastics class, one of the moms there is telling me about trying to chase after her daughter and toddler twins running in opposite directions, and I joke that it sounds like she needs more than one of her. I make some grammatical error, and she doesn't understand me, so I re-state that they need more than one mom in the family. Lo and behold, she tells me, they do have two moms.
On behalf of my many lesbian and gay friends, I want to know what it is like for a gay family in Paris and so I ask, outright. She tells me that they attend a large and very old Catholic school in the city. It surprises me, because I saw that school when touring last spring, and it seemed very strict: children in matching smocks no less. She tells me they are the first gay family ever to attend the school (at least that the school knows about, that is). And that they have not encountered any real problems so far. Of course it's only her daughter's first year (Kindergarten), so only time will tell. She and her partner are, she points out, very mainstream in appearance and demeanor. She is sure this makes it easier for the school to accept them, and they are still are pretty quiet about their family structure in general. But she has been pleased at the emphasis the school places on acceptance and kindness as opposed to stricter dogma choices.
Even with the smooth school transition, there are logistical problems, since gay marriage is still not legal in France. She and her partner are not "PACSed" (Pacte Civil de Solidarité or domestic partnership contract), so she says that her partner has no legal claim to the children, and neither mother has a claim on the other's assets. Her partner is not allowed to adopt the child, nor to be on the birth certificate, passport, or livret de famille (all-important book that records family here in France). The lack of legal link is especially difficult because in France, the court almost always decides on family (legal/blood-related, that is) for children's custody issues, even in the case of existing wills, PACS agreements, whatever: patriarchal society and all. Which may explain why virtually all of the French friends I've asked -- people of means and education -- tell me they have no will drawn up at all. From an American perspective, this is almost shocking neglegence, but here people shrug and leave it to the government (given the pace and dispassion of bureaucracy here, I'd think they'd be more likely to want iron-clad wills!). Apparently, this family's strategy is that the birth-mother can't die before the children grow to the age of adulthood. Of course, this is also our family's strategy, but not for legal reasons.
I thought I had met, separately, the two mothers of a little girl in P's grade, a lovely lesbian couple. But it turns out instead that there are two different girls, both with the same unusual name, both in P's grade at her school, both of whom live on Ile St. Louis around the corner from us. So, two mothers for two different girls. I've told them both of my initial error, and they were in no way fazed that I'd made that assumption.
So, Paris is behind San Francisco in regard for gay families. Of course, nearly every place is behind San Francisco on this respect -- our own insane flip-flopping legal status of gay marriage notwithstanding. But at least there appears to be progress.
(Ad translation: "As my two moms say, family is sacred.")
Later in the same day, at the girls' gymnastics class, one of the moms there is telling me about trying to chase after her daughter and toddler twins running in opposite directions, and I joke that it sounds like she needs more than one of her. I make some grammatical error, and she doesn't understand me, so I re-state that they need more than one mom in the family. Lo and behold, she tells me, they do have two moms.
On behalf of my many lesbian and gay friends, I want to know what it is like for a gay family in Paris and so I ask, outright. She tells me that they attend a large and very old Catholic school in the city. It surprises me, because I saw that school when touring last spring, and it seemed very strict: children in matching smocks no less. She tells me they are the first gay family ever to attend the school (at least that the school knows about, that is). And that they have not encountered any real problems so far. Of course it's only her daughter's first year (Kindergarten), so only time will tell. She and her partner are, she points out, very mainstream in appearance and demeanor. She is sure this makes it easier for the school to accept them, and they are still are pretty quiet about their family structure in general. But she has been pleased at the emphasis the school places on acceptance and kindness as opposed to stricter dogma choices.
Even with the smooth school transition, there are logistical problems, since gay marriage is still not legal in France. She and her partner are not "PACSed" (Pacte Civil de Solidarité or domestic partnership contract), so she says that her partner has no legal claim to the children, and neither mother has a claim on the other's assets. Her partner is not allowed to adopt the child, nor to be on the birth certificate, passport, or livret de famille (all-important book that records family here in France). The lack of legal link is especially difficult because in France, the court almost always decides on family (legal/blood-related, that is) for children's custody issues, even in the case of existing wills, PACS agreements, whatever: patriarchal society and all. Which may explain why virtually all of the French friends I've asked -- people of means and education -- tell me they have no will drawn up at all. From an American perspective, this is almost shocking neglegence, but here people shrug and leave it to the government (given the pace and dispassion of bureaucracy here, I'd think they'd be more likely to want iron-clad wills!). Apparently, this family's strategy is that the birth-mother can't die before the children grow to the age of adulthood. Of course, this is also our family's strategy, but not for legal reasons.
I thought I had met, separately, the two mothers of a little girl in P's grade, a lovely lesbian couple. But it turns out instead that there are two different girls, both with the same unusual name, both in P's grade at her school, both of whom live on Ile St. Louis around the corner from us. So, two mothers for two different girls. I've told them both of my initial error, and they were in no way fazed that I'd made that assumption.
So, Paris is behind San Francisco in regard for gay families. Of course, nearly every place is behind San Francisco on this respect -- our own insane flip-flopping legal status of gay marriage notwithstanding. But at least there appears to be progress.
2 comments:
It's interesting to see that society there is accepting of gays and gay families (in Paris), yet they don't have gay marriage. Doesn't Spain have this already? Maybe it's only a matter of time.
But of course you could say the same thing -- only much more so -- about California: accepting yet not legal. It's clear that SF in particular is way more accepting of gay families than Paris. Here the concept still has some shock value, and the adoption laws make it impossible for the 2nd parent to be legal. And yes, same-sex marriage is legal in Spain, as of 2005 (first in the world was the Netherlands, then Belgium, Spain, Canada).
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